perspective

For the first time, got to see the filmsie noobs staffing solo and they were lovely! Fumbled around a bit, as they are new, but in the least cheesy way possible, their noob-innocence was so thoroughly refreshing. I miss that. It's only a year or two in age and/or experience, but the difference is there. Being a director and dealing with the extra responsibility that comes with it, definitely takes its toll. This is just one of many heavy, thought-provoking topics that has occupied time and space in my senior year and unfortunately leads to the heaviest of topics.

Got a text from my dad during STAR TREK that my Uncle Bob had died of a heart attack that very evening. Of course the fact of his passing hit me, but not as hard as the fact that I hadn't realized how much time had passed since I'd last seen him. Commence family history-flashback...

Uncle Bob and Aunt Hyun lived together in Florida--that's where they've always been since I can remember. Their first house was on Apopka Lane, which I'll never forget because I loved that it sounded like popcorn. I still do. Their slight name discrepancy has reason. Aunt Hyun, my mom's sister, married, did you guess?, Irishman Uncle Bob. Imagine a typical, large, rosy-flushed face, Kris Kringle type, but with a hot-blooded Irish temper--he was the "scary one" in the family, but only when provoked. Together, Hyun and Bob had five beautiful happa children, one of those obnoxiously perfect families. I say that with utmost love and respect, spent a good chunk of my childhood with them all. They're the ones that got me swimming! Sad thing is, I was the least close with Uncle B. Nevertheless, tonight something clicked with my dad's text.

I've been lucky enough thus far not to have suffered any close deaths in the family, but this summer with my mom extending her stay in Korea because of my grandparents deteriorating conditions, and now with Uncle Bob's sudden passing, I'm terrified. Just terrified in general of life and death. I never talk to people about it, but I do ponder it to myself every once in a while just to keep myself in check and appreciative of what I've got. I know I've been fortunate and that people have already suffered losses much earlier and much worse than I have at this point. Right now, I'm still unsure how to cope and what the best way to deal with these very real and substantial situations. The worst part is that both my grandparents in Korea and Uncle Bob are so far from me and that I've been rather detached since childhood.

Mom's flying out Thursday for the funeral service. Uncle Bob is to be cremated--another random weighty topic I examine when engaged in life thoughts and conversations. I wish I could console the family and give them closure in this time of confusion and grief. Bottom line is that he was only in his 60's with a clean bill of health. In this day and age, only is certainly appropriate to say. I can only think of how my mom, who became Christian later on in her life, is questioning things. But we also know that heart attacks are malicious; they can happen to any one at any time, for various reasons, regardless of how healthy one might be. I've just been forced to think about all these things at once now..life, death, God, what I believe.

I know that I'll be dealing with Uncle Bob's passing and the reality of my grandparents' conditions little by little, everyday. I'm not jaded or trying to purposely distract myself, but I can't just break down in the middle of fall quarter...that's already pretty much happened. For my sake, I have to handle it in my own way (whatever that means) but keep it together and finish the quarter. There is plenty to do, I have the greatest of company to keep me sane, and for those things I am forever wealthy and grateful.

On a side note, I realized that my compulsive, comma, usage, ailment, has yet to go away. I'd like to think I make up for that by being a snooty stickler for proper grammar in all other aspects of the system. Please count them and let me know where they are unnecessary, thanks.

don't bring me down

ELO - DON'T BRING ME DOWN

Apologies for a potential double muzak attack. You can turn off my player at the bottom.
ELO is a mom 'n' pop and childhood fav. Love the shift at 1:00. Lynne is actually saying "gross", not "Bruce", but due to so much misinterpretation, he kept the name.

What is useless Jeopardy knowledge for $5.00?

mmm pretty.

Friday = Star Trek baseball cap, black velour sweats, GAP men's sweatshirt.
Oh, tack on a bluetooth earpiece and combat boots. I...am...spart--soccer dad.

This outfit was most favorable on the drive back to LA today. Skipped the morning rush and drove straight through, sans traffic. K-EARTH 101 was playing the coolest medley of songs. Naturally, I sang my heart out to each one, with a quick Tay Tay on KOST interlude, then switched back to The Rascals, Beach Boys and Jackson 5. During the drive, I was in a genuine state of sublimity. Dropped the kids off at the pool, put the groceries in the fridge...

Who's living the dream? This here lady.

I, soccer motherfather, am the antithesis of mod man. For real fashion, please reference ++.

I'll attempt a 360 for tonight's Diplo show. It's all ages, but I'm sure they don't need a creepy 80-year old there.

reasons I don't need drank

5. It doesn't taste delicious. Wine = Dimeatap. Everything else = rubbing alcohol or flaming Dimeatap. Do not want.
4 1/2. Takes up precious stomach space which I'd much rather fill with awesome food.
4. Beer bellies, alchy gut. Not want.
3. Drink stink or drank stank. No want.
2. Naturally forgetful, don't need to black out.
1. Already drunk off life.

Also, I prefer provoking the plastered (only the right people, of course, who are joyous when inebriated), then being a historian for them and filling in their porous stories and comforting them in their mornings after.

my worst nightmare

Spent this past week in a living nightmare: not eating.
?!, you may wonder to yourself. I'm thinking it was just a stomach flu I'd caught last Sunday, but I basically could not keep anything down and went through the week in a constant state of nausea and the most disturbing diet of so much Hatorade and hate-saltines. Basically, for the first time in my life, I fasted.

On top of that, week five and six are my intense midterm weeks and the past consisted of the most ridiculous series of CEC events that had me up all night, every night.

I will say that whatever happened, it was definitely a reality slap in the stomach for me about said atrocious diet.
Don't fret! I, Reptar, am fairly back to normal eating habits. I have yet to go medium at Carl's, but I've already had an In N Out burger so...same difference--reluctant to use that phrase because it's been one of those mystery phrase pet peeves ever since it's conception.


Halloween was somethin'. Rach, Matt, Robby, Yaz, Danny, Jenny and I all got ready together. We did each other's makeup (gents included), crafted and constructed things, used so much hair spray that my apartment and all of our heads were on the brink of bursting into flames. We had a heck of a time at Jeffreezy's--saw some creatively cool costumes, then the usual un-creative but spirited, slutty ones. The night winded down with a most perfect Friends + tea sesh back at Rach's. Far too many moments that made me laugh 'til I cried: Julia Roberts turning tricks again, stockings down, lollipops, fixing up a most happy Wall-E with handy whore tape, the cheeriest clown, and our fav bay area reppin' with some moves, to name some.

Then I realized my old age can't take the insanity of Halloween anymore. Slept right through Hello Kitty's birthday bash at Royal/T 'til 1pm the next day. Even YLC at 11:30pm that night was an exhausting venture. "All I need in this life of sin"....is a cup of tea, PJs, and some Golden Girls. Fin.

Oh yeah, and it doesn't hurt that Jay-Z's coming up and I'm crossing my fingers for the girlfriend.